Honest in Therapy Takes Time: What Loved Ones Need to Know

Why being honest in therapy often takes time—and why that doesn’t mean nothing’s happening.

Honesty in therapy is like peeling an onion—layer by layer, at the pace trust allows.

Every so often, I get a call or message from a friend, spouse, or family member of a client.

They’re frustrated. Heartbroken. They’ve watched this person in therapy and feel like they’re leaving out key details… twisting events… maybe even painting themselves as the victim when that’s not the whole picture.

And I get it. If they’re not being fully honest in therapy, how will they ever get better?

Here’s what I want you to know from my seat as the therapist: Honesty in therapy isn’t a switch that flips on in the first session. It’s a process that often takes time, trust, and safety to develop.

Honesty in therapy isn’t a switch you flip in Session One—it’s a trust that grows, layer by layer, until the truth feels safe enough to tell.

Therapy isn’t an interrogation. It’s not a place where I force the truth out of someone. It’s a place where a person has to feel safe enough to tell it — sometimes for the first time in their life.

If your loved one is holding back, that doesn’t mean therapy isn’t “working.”It means we’re still in the early layers. And those layers matter.

People often start therapy telling their version of events — the one they’ve been telling themselves for years. It’s not necessarily a lie. It’s their current truth. Sometimes they can’t yet see the bigger picture because it would mean facing pain, shame, or responsibility they’re not ready to handle.

My job isn’t to accept everything at face value forever. It’s about meeting them where they are, building trust, and gently helping them see what’s underneath. That’s a process — and it’s often slower than loved ones would like.

So if you’re watching from the outside, here’s what helps more than calling me to “set the record straight” (which I ethically can’t discuss anyway):

• Trust the process. Change doesn’t come from being told the truth; it comes from discovering it themselves.

• Support without pushing. Safe, nonjudgmental connection in their life speeds up the work in therapy.

• Focus on your own boundaries. You don’t have to enable harmful behavior while waiting for them to grow.

  
  

Therapy is a long game. The whole truth rarely comes out in Session One. But when it does surface — piece by piece — it’s far more powerful because they arrived at it.

That’s where real change begins.