Why You Should Think Twice Before Using Therapy Records in a Divorce Case

Why Well-Meaning Evidence Can Backfire in High-Conflict Divorces.

Not everything your lawyer doesn’t warn you about will help your case, like using therapy records in divorce. What feels like proof of the abuse you’ve endured can actually backfire in court.

If you’re in the middle of a high-conflict divorce—especially with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive ex—it’s natural to want the court to see what you’ve been through.

Maybe you’ve thought…

“If the judge could just read my therapy notes, they’d finally understand.”

I get it. You’ve poured your heart out in those sessions. You’ve described the gaslighting, the mind games, the financial control, the subtle digs that chipped away at you for years. You’ve told your therapist about the panic attacks before custody exchanges, the nights you couldn’t sleep, and the way you’ve been rebuilding piece by piece.

It feels like proof. But here’s the hard truth: when it comes to therapy records in divorce, they could actually hurt you more than help you in court.

Let me explain why:

Therapy notes aren’t written for court—they’re written for treatment.

Therapists write notes to meet medical requirements, not to build a legal case. That means the focus is usually on your symptoms, struggles, and diagnosis, not your strengths or resilience.

Example:

A therapist might write, “Client presents as tearful, reports difficulty concentrating, ongoing anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness.” In court, that can be spun as: “She’s unstable and can’t handle the stress of parenting.

Even though you were simply having a normal emotional reaction to abuse, the words on paper can be taken out of context and used against you.

Once you waive confidentiality, the door is wide open.

You can’t just pick the “helpful parts” and leave out the rest. If your therapy records are introduced in court, the entire record can be subpoenaed—including sensitive or deeply personal details that have nothing to do with your case.

Example:

If you once disclosed a past mistake, a bout of depression years ago, or even unrelated family issues, your ex’s attorney can use that to question your credibility or stability.

Once the door is open, you can’t close it again.

Character letters from therapists? Risky.

Even if we believe every word you’ve told us, therapists are not investigators. We’re supporters. Our job is to help you heal, not to investigate or testify. My focus is on supporting your well-being and helping you feel safe, not on building a legal case.

And, courts often see therapists as biased because our role is to offer compassion and positive regard. And our notes reflect your perspective, not legally verified facts.

Example:

You might say, “He threatened to take the kids away if I didn’t do what he wanted.” I may write that down exactly as you’ve described it—but in court, it can be challenged as “one-sided” because I didn’t personally witness it.

Once your therapist writes a statement or your records are subpoenaed, they could be called to testify in court. Testifying requires a completely different set of skills from providing therapy, and it’s not the same as the supportive, confidential work you do together in session.

In court, your therapist may be cross-examined, their words may be taken out of context, and their professional role may be framed in ways that don’t reflect the depth of your work. This process can feel adversarial and may shift the dynamic of your therapeutic relationship, making it harder to maintain the safe, trusting space you’ve built.

One protective option? Pay out of pocket.

If you use insurance, we must provide a formal diagnosis and keep detailed notes that meet insurance requirements. That paper trail becomes part of your medical record—and it can be subpoenaed.

When you pay privately, there’s more flexibility in how much is documented, and you keep greater control over what stays between you and your therapist.

Example:

In private-pay sessions, I might keep minimal notes: “Discussed coping strategies for stress.”

With insurance, I’d have to include: “Client meets criteria for PTSD. Reports nightmares 3x/week related to incidents involving ex-partner.” That’s a lot more detail for someone else to potentially access, and twist out of context unfavorably.

If you think you might be in a legal battle in the future, or you’re contemplating divorce, be upfront with your therapist from the start. Being open from the beginning helps your therapist protect both your privacy and your progress. Many times, when clients have later asked me to write a letter or share their records, I’ve been the one to explain the potential risks their attorney never warned them about.

If you think you might be in a legal battle in the future, or you’re contemplating divorce, be upfront with your therapist from the start. Being open from the beginning helps your therapist protect both your privacy and your progress. Many times, when clients have later asked me to write a letter or share their records, I’ve been the one to explain the potential risks their attorney never warned them about.

And remember—therapy records aren’t your only option for evidence. You may be able to present your case through:

• Forensic evaluations from court-appointed or privately hired specialists

• Witness statements from friends, family, or coworkers who have firsthand knowledge

• Text messages, emails, voicemails, or social media posts

• Police reports, restraining orders, or incident reports from schools or workplaces

• Medical records documenting stress-related health issues or injuries

• A contemporaneous journal or log of incidents

• Financial records showing patterns of control or hidden assets

• Photographs or videos that support your account

• Reports from a guardian ad litem, if one is appointed

What helps you heal isn’t always what helps your case.

If evidence is truly needed, it’s often better to work with a forensic evaluator—someone specifically trained to investigate and testify in court—rather than relying on your therapist’s records.

Let therapy be what it’s meant to be: A private, judgment-free space to unpack the harm, reclaim your voice, and focus on your future, not a tool in your ex’s arsenal.